Husband Hates Parents, Parents Hate Husband

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I was recently married and we have a four month old baby. My husband has said/done some mean things to my parents that he has apologized for, but he is very vocal and feels that noone deserves respect unless they earn it. We were house hunting this weekend and my mother came to watch the baby. We do not live in the safest neighborhood so she bolted the door and we do not have a key to it. We came home and she was feeding the baby, it took her about 2 minutes to get the door. My husband flipped called her a f— moron and told her it was completely disrespectful. Am I wrong for getting mad at him considering it was our apartment? Then he called me a f— retard. I told him if he didn’t apologize to my mom then we were never going to work and he should leave for a few days. He called my mom and apologized through voicemail, but the damage is done, my parents are telling me he’s no good and to leave him and my husband is concerned with our family and wants our family to work. I don’t know what to do. My husband never wants to see them again, hence they cannot come to where we live for dinner or anything. His parents live two hours away, mine live 30 minutes. I don’t know what to do, my parents aren’t speaking to me because I still let him live with us. (FYI-he had a huge tax bill and he just finished paying it off, but I have paid for everything the past six months including the apt we live in now). Please help.

A: Let’s review: Your mother comes to help you out by going to your apartment and, because she locks the door for her safety and has to manage the child as she comes to unlock the door, she is verbally abused by your husband. Further, instead of being grateful, he gets angry and verbally abuses you. More than that, he doesn’t apologize directly – he leaves a voicemail, and only because you’ve threatened him.

The money and anger issues paint a picture that suggests you should see someone at the local women’s center for legal and therapeutic help. The fact that he has not managed money well, that you had to pay for everything, that he can’t regulate his anger, can’t be thankful for what others are doing to help, and isn’t invested in fixing these things isn’t a hopeful sign for the relationship as you have presented it.

I would find out how to protect yourself financially and emotionally and what your options are for dealing with a man with these issues.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Feb 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Husband Hates Parents, Parents Hate Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/02/17/husband-hates-parents-parents-hate-husband/