Mom Doesn’t Like My New Man

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’m 26 years old been married last 7 years to a lair and cheater… Well one time we separated I dated my high school sweet heart an well recently we re connected an when we dated before i got pregnant an had his son…well my mom hates him N really never got to know him she hates him bc he doesn’t have the best past..he’s got into trouble … But he’s changed n will to prove people he has…but I feel like I’m a teenager again an sneaking around with him jus so my mom won’t be mad an stop coming around to see kids buy I love him I always have we just had different ways after school… An my kids adore him well specially the boy bc its his dad… I jus don’t know how to tell my mom its time to let me learn my own mistakes an tell her I been hanging out with him… I love my mom she’s like my best friend HELP!

A: I appreciate your email. Your mom is entitled to her opinions and you’re entitled to your life. I would imagine she’s had a front row seat to all the turmoil you’ve gone through in your marriage as well. This is likely why she is so protective now. The most important thing is not to be asking your mom’s permission as much as having a conversation with her. You want to keep her in the loop and ask for her help, not ask for approval to have your life the way you want it.

The frame for this conversation would be for you to review all the support and care she’s given you. You’ll need to point out specific things about this, and I would explain that you need this kind of help again. This is when you describe to her what’s going on — and what you need. It’s important for you to let her know you are not asking her permission to date who you want. This is your life and you are explaining what you need, not looking for her to give a thumbs up.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Feb 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Mom Doesn’t Like My New Man. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/02/16/mom-doesnt-like-my-new-man/