Upset over a Kiss

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker


My fiance is upset and heartbroken when he saw me kiss a girl friend. We were at a party for New Years Eve and me and one of my girl friends drank too much and people started to do kisses on the cheeks. Well I kissed my girl friend on the lips and my fiance saw and is very upset and hurt. Our relationship is scarred and also broken at this point. He said if anything, we can try therapy. Will going to see a therapist help? I don’t even know where to began or search. I obviously made a big mistake and am mad at myself for as well. Can you give me some pointers?
Thanks!

A: Why is this a big deal? You were partying. You had a little too much. You gave your friend a smooch. You didn’t profess that you love her more than your boyfriend, or sneak behind the potted plants to do it or leave the party with her. The only sense I can make of this is that your boyfriend is deeply homophobic or deeply insecure. In either case, he’s the one who needs to do some work on himself, not you.

As for your question about what to do: Perhaps you need to think about whether he is really the man for you. If he’s going to inflate little things like this into questioning the entire relationship, maybe you want to take a step back. You can’t live your life scared that something you think is innocuous is going to make him want to dump you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Feb 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Upset over a Kiss. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/02/01/he-saw-me-kiss-a-girl-friend/