Boyfriend’s Mom is Ridiculous

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My boyfriends mom hasn’t made me feel welcomed in the family and makes me feel like I don’t belong or that she doesn’t like me. She also tries pushing her religion on both of us and she always gives me dirty looks and likes always seeing what I’m wearing to make sure its not to provocative.
On Christmas, I was wearing one of my new outfits for dinner and she was invited to eat with us. First, when she got there she was saying “your outfit looks adorable” and like grabbing me and I tried walking away but she just held me there. Second off, I was walking down to my room to get my new shoes to tell my mom that they didn’t fit and she comes down following me and looking all over my room for stuff and trying to see all what I got. And later after we had dinner and dessert we were sitting around the table talking and I was talking to my boyfriend saying some jokes and joking around with him and she was eaves dropping the entire time. So later that night my mom comes in telling me that I’m not aloud to joke around with him anymore because his mom thinks your very mean and have a chip on the shoulder with him. So basically she thinks I’m very mean to him when were together and I just busted out crying.
Last Thursday, the day after Christmas my parents, siblings and I all went shopping at the mall and of course my boyfriend was invited to come but, when he arrived his mother also was there and she actually stayed the whole entire day and she was only suppose to be there for a few minutes. So earlier that day she wasn’t much of a problem but, later that day she was trying way to hard to be nice and following me and him and grabbing me. She was just trying too much.
I literally can’t take any of her crap anymore I’m done. My boyfriend won’t go see a therapist with his mom because he doesn’t like them. And I would just really like some help here.

A: I appreciate your email and believe this is an issue that you and your boyfriend must face together.

The nature of your relationship with your boyfriend is such that his mom feels compelled to criticize. I believe this is an opportunity for you and your boyfriend to join forces and talk to his mom directly. Actually, the best place for this is with a third party present, like a couples or family counselor, but the two of you alone would be okay. You being hassled by his mom is something your boyfriend needs to help you with.

If you try to do this on your own without help from your boyfriend, I think it will continue to generate problems. I would talk to your boyfriend and plan to have a sit-down meeting with his mom about your concerns.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Jan 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Boyfriend’s Mom is Ridiculous. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/01/24/boyfriends-mom-is-ridiculous/

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