Anxious When Boyfriend Is Unavailable

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Okay, so something happened a few nights ago and i got really drunk and told my boyfriend i was raped. my friend ended up calling him and he told her that he would talk to me when i wasn’t drunk. so then yesterday i texted him and he was like ill talk to you later tonight. he never did..but i was feeling anxious and horrible all day..like i needed to say stuff to him because I’m SO afraid of loosing him. But it was like i needed to send the texts and if i didn’t then idk what would happen..like i just had to. so i did and then he never talked to me that night. so this mooring i texted him and he said he would talk to me tonight blah blah..i didn’t text him all day..i kept busy.but then i got unbsuy and thought aout everything and so i texted him like an hour and half ago and he still hasn’t answered and i don’t know what to do..like I’m so anxious i hate feeling like this. like i need to text him until he gets the message like i can’t loose. him. all he has to do is send back on reply and i would feel so much better..like I feel the need to send the texts to explain things and once i do i feel better for a little while..but then he docent answer and i start feel like I’m going crazy again..whats wrong with me? PLEase helpppp.

A: I think it takes a lot of courage to begin talking about the rape. It took a great deal for you talk to your boyfriend about what happened, including the fact that you needed to be under the influence. My guess is this kind of information may be difficult for him to assimilate. He simply may not know what to do or say, and may have a wide variety of reactions and feelings to sort through.

Your natural instinct to write this down and ask for help is probably the best thing you can do. In fact, I’m going to encourage you to do some expressive writing around this. Research has shown that it may be helpful to write about difficult events in our lives. Please write down your feelings about being stuck and not being able to talk to your boyfriend about this. If you have a journal this would be the place to put these thoughts and feelings. If you don’t already have a journal or diary, this may be the time to start.

Finally, I am encouraging you to talk to the people at your university counseling center. They are highly trained and can guide you from there.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Jan 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Anxious When Boyfriend Is Unavailable. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/01/15/anxious-when-boyfriend-is-unavailable/