Insecure Boyfriend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend thinks I am lying and hiding a deep dark secret. What he believes to be true is that I am having sexual relations with my father. This is absolutely false. He believes that he is right. He says he has enough evidence and proof that this is true and something that I have trained myself to play reverse psychology on people. I am appalled at the thought of this and the fact that my own boyfriend actually believes this to be true with his own eyes really infuriates me.

When he tells me to give him a believable reason that its not true, I try my best to break it down step by step to him, asking him every little detail of what he sees as such. He responds by saying alcohol is a factor. this is ludicrous. As if drinking alcohol leads to sex for every person out there?? Even in family?! He also says he’s read things on my dad’s Facebook that shows he thinks of me as more than his daughter. I’ve read what he is referring to and he’s just taken it into his own unique context instead of what it really is. My dad also writes in another language, which my boyfriend claims he understands how to read, but It’s obvious he is mislead. Also, he thinks that he observes my dad being touchy towards me.

But he also says that I act like i want (sexual) attention from other guys when i am with him. I fear that his knowledge of things is so destroyed by his past and is shaped by his own experiences with family and girls that he brings these unto me in a sense. I tell him all these things, but somehow he always goes back to the fact that I am in denial and that he knows the truth. He tells me that he knows why I would do this, because I am still under my parents roof, and not financially independent, so I would be naturally inclined to do these ‘favors’ because my dad is the head of the house. He basically thinks i am psychologically damaged… he truly believes this. He always says he knows that I am ‘going through troubles’ and that he won’t judge me and he just wants to help.

This is the cause of all of our arguments and what is ruining our relationship. I know that I should not be involved with someone like him because this one issue shows me perhaps how he will be with future issues. i am scared that he will do this with other things. I can’t just let him go because I do love and care about him.

A: The smartest thing you said is that you shouldn’t be involved with this guy. You’re right. Please listen to your wise self. You can’t argue or reason someone out of something that is so unreasonable. He is an insecure and manipulative guy who will never be satisfied with any answer you come up with. In the name of “helping” you, he always keeps the upper hand.

Love is not enough of a reason to keep this relationship going. Whatever positive qualities he has, your boyfriend will never let you be happy. Staying with him will mean a lifetime of defending yourself. As difficult as it will be, I hope you will let go, learn from the experience, and move on. Find a man who respects and trusts you and who sees you as an equal.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jan 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Insecure Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/01/10/insecure-boyfriend-2/