At first I thought it may have just been a one-time thing, but as time passed and more girls came along, I realized that it happened with all of them. I feel madly in love with girls and form connections with them, but after I have sex with them I lose almost all feelings for them.
This has happened 4 times and I do not want to keep occurring, why is this happening and how can I stop it?
A: Thank you for your honesty and asking these important questions. You may want to look at three things. The first is your age. As a teenager in your first year of college almost all the sexual relationships you will have are little more than experiments. I’m not trying to de-romanticize relationships — but the first year of college is often experimentation with many new freedoms, including various sexual partners.
I would take the time to try to understand about whom you were drawn to. Was there a common trait or characteristic about the women that you were interested in? Was there an average length of time you went out with them? Was there a similar feeling you felt? Keep in mind everybody is experimenting with relationships and you may want to question your intention. Was your goal simply to go to bed with them? Did you want to be seen with somebody that looked hot? The answers to these questions may help you alter your intentions.
All of these pieces of information will help you understand not only whom you were drawn to, but perhaps understand why. Whatever the answers to these questions are I would challenge you to change one of them. As an example, you said that you fell madly in love with each one of them. Maybe falling in love so quickly and intensely is a warning sign rather than sign of longevity. Perhaps choose somebody that brings about a different feeling.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Jan 2014
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Loss of Interest in Women after Sleeping with Them. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/01/02/loss-of-interest-in-women-after-sleeping-with-them/