Should I Continue to Cope with His Anger?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Married 36 yrs (don’t know how I’ve hung in this long!) Yesterday when driving home he was speaking to our adult daughter about what a mechanic said needed repaired on her car but he didn’t have a price to give her. Husband started screaming and cursing so violently that she bawled for ten minutes… ;-( As her mother, I felt terrible that this loving father can “turn so MEAN” I texted him “WTH is wrong with you?! She cannot decide if the car gets fixed until she has a price!!” His response “It’s always me” He was angry when I got home calling me “stupid”. He slept in guest room and I don’t really care…Don’t think it is too much to ask him to not scream at anyone, let alone a family member. Am I asking too much?

A: I don’t think you are asking too much. It’s not necessary for anyone to scream and carry on like that – especially over something so meaningless.

What you didn’t tell us is whether this is new behavior. If so, your husband needs to see his doctor. Changes in personality can mean that there is something physical going on.

If this is same ‘ol, same ‘ol tantruming that has gone on forever, it’s another story. You may be worn down and worn out with it. But divorce after 36 years is no small matter. If you want to try to save the marriage, it may be time to seek out a couples therapist. If you two could have dealt with his anger episodes on your own, you would have done so long ago. If, however, you really don’t care to try to fix it, then you might want to consult with a lawyer to see what the realities of a divorce would be for you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Dec 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Should I Continue to Cope with His Anger?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/12/29/should-i-continue-to-cope-with-his-anger/