Hi, I am 32 old man and have been a relationship with a woman for 4 years who is 31. We got engaged about 1 years ago.I have been having very confusing thoughts since I proposed. Sometime I feel very happy to be with her, sometimes I feel I made a mistake to get engaged. I sometime feel that I have a wonderful woman and sometime I think to myself I can do better. When I see friends who have better looking girlfriends or wives I get extremely upset that I don’t have an equally better looking partner.
My fiance is average looking but treats me better than any other woman I’ve been with in the past. Part of me feels that I don’t want to move forward with the marriage because of the chance of having a better looking partner and believe in marriage for life and no cheating. Part of me feels like she is not that bad after all and we have nice intimate moments and she can certainly arouse me.
I feel like if I have children I would like them to be perfectly good looking and that my partner should be on the top end of good looks which isn’t the case at the moment unfortunately now. I am tormented with thinking should I move ahead with life with her or should I call it quit and move on to look for someone better looking which may or may not happen. I am confused.
When we go out I am constantly checking out other girls and see whether I did well or not. If I see an better looking woman i feel like i can do better, if I see a less good looking woman i feel happy that I got my fiance.
ANy suggestions on how to tackle this tormenting problem which is affecting my daily work as I over think about it.
A: Please do your fiance a big favor and break up with her. For some reason, you are judging her appearance as a way for you to be superior to her. She will never be able to satisfy your standards for looks. You are likely to judge your children just as harshly if they don’t measure up to some mythic idea you have about what they should look like.
When people love truly and generously, their partner is beautiful in their eyes. Since you don’t see your girlfriend that way, it’s unfair to marry her. You will only break her heart. She deserves better.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Dec 2013
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Fiance Not Attractive Enough for Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 11, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/12/15/fiance-not-attractive-enough-for-me/