Psych Central

My Boyfriend Can’t Accept My Past

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am from India. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2year.everything is fine, he is a nice guy, but I was lied before to him about my past. Actually I had a relation with a guy when I was in school and he was tortured me mentally and physically.so I leave him. After 3year I met my current boyfriend and fall in love. He asked about my past but that time I was very ashamed about my past so lied that I don’t have any past.so we become close mentally and sexually. But 3months ago my boyfriend found every details of my past and asked me so I told him everything. But can’t accept it. He called me with well bad words. And everyday he drills me with my past. I say sorry more than 100times.but he get upset and depressed day by day. I know it’s my fault. But I love him so I don’t wants to tell him about my horrible past (I suffered a lot in my past). But my boyfriend can’t understand me and he thinks because am not a virgin (I lose my virginity in past with my ex, forcefully) he get dirty to have sex with me! I feel guilty every time. What should I do?plz suggest me.

A: Thank you for taking the time to ask this question. I think the only way to proceed right now would be to tell your boyfriend that you were afraid of telling him because you’re concerned about the very reactions he’s having now. Explain to him that you want to be with him, but if he can’t accept the past and leave it there, there is no sense in the two of you going into the future together.

I think it would be important for you to make this point: That you know that you love him, regret the lie, but unless he can transcend his reaction and meanness that it would be very difficult for the two of you to go forward.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Dec 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). My Boyfriend Can’t Accept My Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/12/02/my-boyfriend-cant-accept-my-past/