Psychologist Husband Has Own Problems

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I hate my psychologist husband! I cant talk to him and I fear his reaction, his moods and passive aggressive attitude. We have not had sex now for 18 months, in fact the last time we had sex not made love was a 2 minute quickie in the closet while our year old daughter was with her nana, we made our son that day, but since then there has been no sex.
h has an anger problem. Any little thing sends him into a pissed off silent attitude, if he would just keep it to himself it would be fine but the looks the breathing and the uncomfortable energy just sends me to a negative place.

A: Just because someone is in the helping professions doesn’t mean that they can’t have the same problems as anyone else. Your husband clearly hasn’t dealt with some of his own issues. Just as important, you aren’t really dealing with yours.

You didn’t ask a question but I’m guessing you are struggling with what to do about your marriage. You seem to be afraid of his anger problem and his silence. If you want to save this marriage, you need to get an appointment with a marriage counselor. Yes. I know. He won’t go. Go yourself. Talk with the counselor about whether this marriage can be saved. If you and the counselor think so, you can then talk about how to bring him into treatment in a way that doesn’t threaten him.

If you are indeed so afraid of his anger that you can’t even talk to him about how to improve your relationship, it’s time to acknowledge that things are serious. For the sake of yourself and your children you need to leave. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233). Counselors are available to help women like you figure out how to extricate yourself from what has become an unsafe situation.

Please take action. You deserve a marriage in which you feel loved and cherished. Your children deserve a better model for a loving relationship. And – actually – your husband needs to see to his own issues if he is to be an effective helper for others.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Nov 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Psychologist Husband Has Own Problems. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/11/24/psychologist-husband-has-own-problems/