Husband Losing Arousal During Sex

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. Last Sept. I was admitted into the ICU for Serotonin Syndrome. I don’t remember much of it except for my husband telling me that I almost died, I suffered osteocrenosis of my left knee, femoral neuropathy in my left leg and that he was the one that found me unresponsive and feels somewhat responsible. Needless to say I was very dependent on him. I was also drinking heavily. My issue is now that I am almost completely self-sufficient, have quit drinking and have basically checked back into life we had been arguing more (until just lately) and I have had a feeling that he had been unfaithful. When we have sex now he either does not look at me or seems to somewhat lose his erection even when I am giving him oral sex, which he used to love. Is it possible he doesn’t love me anymore?

A: it would be presumptuous of me to render an opinion as to whether he loves you. But what does seem clear is that you have made a conscious and concerted effort to invest in your own recovery. This needs to be the central focus in your life right now. I would do two things: First, be certain that your own individual therapeutic journey is in place with many supports. Second, I would invite your partner to go to couples therapy. Very often after a traumatic issue the couple needs time to be oriented. Couples therapy should help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Nov 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Husband Losing Arousal During Sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/11/20/husband-losing-arousal-during-sex/