My Stepchildren Are Destroying My New Marriage

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am married to an Amazing man, he is truly the Love of my life and my husband of 3 weeks. We have been together for the past 3 years and although it has been VERY rocky at times (due to a crazy ex-wife) I can say that we are truly best friends and I love that about Us.

His children (teenager and preteen) are really destroying our marriage. His son was taking ADHD pills and doesn’t take them anymore so did his sister. These kids have NO manners, arr rude and when i first met them they were eating with their hands (let’s put it that way). Now everything is ridiculous, from the talking back, the attitudes, the treatment towards my own kids, etc.

I can’t take it anymore…but I HIGHLY (almost hate) his children. What should i do?

A: Thank you for writing us here at Psych Central.

It is unclear from your letter if the children live with you. The reason I mention this is that it matters greatly as to my response. If they don’t live with you, it is time for you and your new husband to forge together as a team to come up with a plan for managing your time with them, how to structure your interactions, and how to give each other mutual support.

If they are living with you these things are important, but the stakes are much higher, and the situation more difficult. If they live with you I would take some time alone with your new husband to work out an approach that is comprehensive. The two of you need to be on the same page with your treatment and interventions with the children. For this I would recommend a parenting class — particularly one that specifically deals with blended families and remarriages.

I would try these things first. If it turns out you need a therapist you can check the find help tab at the top of this page, or contact the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. They have articles, information and specialized therapists to help with this situation.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Nov 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). My Stepchildren Are Destroying My New Marriage. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 2, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/11/12/my-stepchildren-are-destroying-my-new-marriage/