Emotionally Abused Single Mom

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

A little over Four years ago, when I began dating my 2.5yr old son’s father; my son’s fathers older sister took in this really great guy, kind of like a son to her and we became really close friends. My son’s father was both extremely emotionally and physically abusive and this guy was an awesome emotional support. I NEVER once cheated on my sons father with him but the more abusive my sons Dad became, the closer we became. Anyways, after my son was born in 2011, and I received sole custody, this guy was the only one from his father’s side of the family that kept in touch with me. Occasionally, we went out for a cup of coffee, to the mall OR for a bite to eat and always with my son. Then 22 weeks ago, we had sex for the one and only time together and I got pregnant. When I first found out, we were both beyond excited that we were having a Baby together; now he has done a 360 and treats me badly, often ignoring me and only contacting me to ask when I’m due and if the pregnancy is going smoothly. And on top of it, he has been smoking weed daily and has no job. He has always been great with my son, so I don’t doubt he would be a god Dad but I don’t want a bad influence around our Baby or my son…what should I do???

A: I am sorry that the circumstances you find yourself in are so difficult.

I would put the functional and practical elements first and foremost and concern yourself later with the emotional elements of the relationship. In other words, I’m inviting you to be certain the baby’s father understands his financial obligations for his unborn child. While you haven’t said how he is coping with his newfound financial responsibility, my concern is he understands this essential obligation. Beyond this I would contact a lawyer if he has not to hope you understand your rights in this situation.

Whether he will be a good dad is yet to be seen. But whether he is prepared to meet his financial obligation is important now.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 Nov 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Emotionally Abused Single Mom. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/11/04/emotionally-abused-single-mom/