Husband Searching Woman He Had Affair With

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My husband and I have been married since we were teens. A couple of years ago he became involved with a girl i considered a good friend of mine. She was basically telling me i should leave him and telling him the same thing. Everything came out 6 months later ..devastated we got threw it. 2 years later i see that he searched her and was going through her pictures. After questioning, he admitted that he looked but told a bizarre lie as too why..i can’t describe how upset i am. Why?? It turned into an argument because he knew that he lied and didn’t know what to say..so the verbal abuse followed..if it was nothing..i just can’t see why he’s searching her. I’m starting to feel like our marriage should have never been but we now have 4 children. I just can’t imagine how he would feel had the tables been turned. Should i just end this or should we try counseling? I have had numerous issues with females never physical but always issues. I think of him as my best friend..my partner..but I’m starting to believe it’s just me that feels this way.please help.

A: I do believe couples counseling would be a very good idea.

Although this might seem like a far-fetched notion, the issues that we have in a relationship tend to follow us into the next if we don’t figure out what is causing them.

You have four children, a lot of time together, and the bottom line is that every couple goes through difficult times. I think couples counseling would be a good idea to find out the reasons all this is happening for two reasons: first, to see if there’s enough of a spark left to save your marriage; and second, if the marriage can’t be saved, to find out what the causes are so that you can prevent this from happening in your next relationship.

The find help tab at the top of the page will help you find a couples counselor in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Oct 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Husband Searching Woman He Had Affair With. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/10/23/husband-searching-woman-he-had-affair-with/