Stay or Go?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I don’t know what to choose – stay home and continue my studies or move in with my boyfriend in another country. My boyfriend wants me to go there and study. I also wanted to continue my studies in Romania, join a student organization, be a volunteer, travel to USA with the program Work and Travel and gain knowledge by my own.

I feel too young to commit . I feel like if I move in with him, I will remain with him for the rest of my life. But he tried to convince me the opposite. Also, he showed me that life in Romania is not that good as in a developed country like his, that we could have a great life there together. I feel split in two, I don’t know what to do. I fear losing him and I fear losing other opportunities that are available to me while I’m still young. I don’t know what is best for me. I think I need professional help. Thank you for your response in advance.

A: It’s never a good idea to be talked into a commitment. Commitment should come from the heart. Trust your instincts. This relationship may be sweet but the timing may not be right.

A move together should be a big mutual adventure, not a sacrifice by one. However superior your boyfriend thinks his life and country may be, moving there would isolate you and separate you from the opportunities available to you at home. Follow your dreams. Spend vacations with the boyfriend if you think there is promise in the relationship. But please don’t move with him unless and until you are very, very sure that you really want to make a life with this man.

You are young. I hope your boyfriend will grow to be the man you deserve or you will find someone else who will support you in gaining the experiences that you know will help you become the person you want to be.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Oct 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Stay or Go?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/10/15/stay-or-go-2/