Psych Central

No Chemistry with My Husband

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been married 37yrs, got married because I was pregnant; I have been having lovers on the side since I’ve been married. I do not feel a chemistry for my husband, he is a very good provider but I don’t feel sexually attracted to him. I need an lover on side that I am attracted to sexually or have a chemistry with. I am very confused and don’t know what to do?

A: That is a very long time to be in a relationship to which you are not fully committed. I would first talk to an individual counselor about these extramarital relations. You first need to understand a bit about yourself and these encounters before you take any other actions. Until the need for these is understood better you are not likely to make much progress.

Once you have established a good relationship with an individual counselor, I would ask him or her about whether couples therapy would be important. If you are deciding to split, couples therapy may be a way to make this separation less painful. If you decide that you want to stay in the relationship, it will certainly be needed in order to enhance the possibility of having more joy together.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Oct 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). No Chemistry with My Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/10/07/no-chemistry-with-my-husband/

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