Completely Confused

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been married for 12 years with the love of my life. I couldn’t get a better man in life. He is everything a girl would want. I love him equally. We are great in bed and its going great. I recently met a man that I felt attracted to. I feel like having sex with him. I fight with myself and refrain from seeing him. I fail to understand why I am attracted to this man although I have no problems with my husband. What’s my problem? Please help.

A: Feeling like you want to have sex with someone isn’t unnatural. Look at Times Square, any magazine, TV ads, music videos, or many best-selling books. Being attracted to others is part of being human. But the real question is what are you going to do about these feelings? Beyond the normal attraction-reaction is there something pushing you? The two typical reasons are that there is something not OK in the relationship that is not being addressed, or there may be a complacency or boredom creeping into an otherwise fantastic relationship. To learn more about the second one please see the article I have written about this at my blog Proof Positive here at Psych Central.

But if your relationship is good and you are not bored don’t make something natural a problem. There is a world of difference between feeling like you want to have sex and acting on it.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Oct 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Completely Confused. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/10/01/completely-confused/

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