Can’t Forget Girlfriend’s Past

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now. When we first began dating she always brought up one of her partners and I just so happened to know him. She told me he was her first in a sexual experience and told me some of their stories later on in the relationship. This has been bothering me deeply, I find myself sometimes thinking about it daily and comparing myself to him. I also wonder if she did enjoy being with him, I try to stop thinking about it I know i should be living in the present and be happy because she is with me, and I am. But I can’t stop the thoughts from crawling back into my head. Please I need advice on how to get over this I would appreciate it tremendously I would really like to stop tormenting myself please.

A: Thank you for asking this important question. I would encourage you to do two things. First I would explain to your girlfriend your struggle. Not for the purpose of managing her discussions or making her feel guilty, but rather as a way of enlisting her help in getting you through the issue. This brings both of you in line with a common goal rather than you dealing alone with the concern.

Second, once the two of you are aligned then you can make a plan to assess how well you are dealing with it. Plan a followup to the decisions you work out to see if they are effective, and what you need to do to make them more valuable.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Sep 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Can’t Forget Girlfriend’s Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/09/29/cant-forget-girlfriends-past/