My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now. When we first began dating she always brought up one of her partners and I just so happened to know him. She told me he was her first in a sexual experience and told me some of their stories later on in the relationship. This has been bothering me deeply, I find myself sometimes thinking about it daily and comparing myself to him. I also wonder if she did enjoy being with him, I try to stop thinking about it I know i should be living in the present and be happy because she is with me, and I am. But I can’t stop the thoughts from crawling back into my head. Please I need advice on how to get over this I would appreciate it tremendously I would really like to stop tormenting myself please.
A: Thank you for asking this important question. I would encourage you to do two things. First I would explain to your girlfriend your struggle. Not for the purpose of managing her discussions or making her feel guilty, but rather as a way of enlisting her help in getting you through the issue. This brings both of you in line with a common goal rather than you dealing alone with the concern.
Second, once the two of you are aligned then you can make a plan to assess how well you are dealing with it. Plan a followup to the decisions you work out to see if they are effective, and what you need to do to make them more valuable.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Sep 2013
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Can’t Forget Girlfriend’s Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/09/29/cant-forget-girlfriends-past/