Loss and Abuse

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hi, my name is Michaela, I’m 16 years. I just wanted to say thank you in advance for reading this I know you get a lot of these so thank you very much.
I’ve been self harming since I was 11.I self harm everyday and I know its not good but it something I do to make life seem like I have some control I struggled with an Eating disorder (bulimia) I did recover on my own. but its been coming back. I just lost my mom 2 months ago and two days later I lost my best friend to suicide. My mom was really sick and my stepdad hated me. He would burn me and he would beat me physically and verbal and physically abuse me. The thing is my mom really loved him but who was I to get in the way of that. My mom had been sick all her life but the last 6 years was the worst. She wasn’t able to do a lot. I take care of my sister who now lives with my aunt she was only able to take her but I was like the mom. but I still managed to get all A’s. but while my mom was in the other room sick my step dad would come into my room. first it started off with him starring then to molesting then eventually rape. I’m really afraid I’m pregnant. My grandparents whom I live with now are always working they are high people in there jobs so they are always traveling. They are currently away. Sometimes I want to give up but I know I have to be here. I’ve always been bullied I get called mutt a lot because of my ethnicity (Native American(Cherokee), African American, Dominican, Italian and 1/4 Russian) sorry it really long but I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel like a lost soul slowly fading away from this world
- Michaela

A. Dear Michaela, you have been through a great deal. I’m sorry that you’ve had such a very tough life. However, I would consider you a great picture of resiliency. You’ve survived an eating disorder, injury, abuse, losing your mother, bullying, and you are now potentially pregnant. Despite all of that, you have endured and continue to manage a difficult set of life circumstances.

What your stepfather has done to you is wrong and illegal. The rape and molestation should be reported to the police. You should report him to the authorities. Another option is to call child protective services. If you alert the authorities, in all likelihood he will be arrested.

He deserves to be arrested.

There is never an excuse for raping your stepdaughter.

Anyone violating the innocence of a child should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

I would also urge you to tell your grandparents. They need to know what your stepfather has been doing to you.

You should also report the abuse to a school guidance counselor who will take immediate action. You should also ask the school guidance counselor to assist you in accessing mental health treatment. The more support that you have at this time, the better. You need all the support you can get.

Reporting your stepfather to the authorities might not be easy but it’s the right thing to do. You will have to do it sooner or later, especially if you are pregnant. Your family is going to inquire about the father. If you need additional advice, please don’t hesitate to write again. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Sep 2013

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). Loss and Abuse. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/09/25/loss-and-abuse/