Want to Feel Normal
My problems started when I got a job in November on night shift. It killed me I had such a difficult time with it. I was already on an anti psychotic and an anti depressant. But having such issues the doctor put me on another anti depressant. I was feeling better for a while until I lost my job. Losing the job was a relief but now my life is falling apart.
Almost everyone in my family is bipolar including me. My son has ADHD and picks up everything people say. my brother is 35 lives at home and pays no bills. He is disrespectful and my son is picking it up. I confronted my parents and now my mother is so upset she can’t talk to me, My husband yells at me when I get upset instead of helping me. I just want to be able to control my emotions. I want to feel normal. I do not have insurance so I cannot go to see anyone. I really need help but can’t get it. I have thought about what it would be like to end my life but could not do that to my son or family. I watched my in laws go through it when my brother in law killed himself. I could not put people through that. But I do want to just go somewhere and never have to deal with anyone I know. I want to disappear and have no feelings at all. People just keep telling me to get over it and it is not that easy. I need help but cannot get it so maybe you could give me some advice.
A: I’m so sorry you are having such a miserable time. I’m glad you wrote.
All the medicine in the world is not going to help you out of what is a toxic situation. No one in your family appears to know how to handle emotions and conflict constructively. They get upset and yell instead of solving problems. And there are a lot of problems to solve. Being diagnosed with bipolar doesn’t excuse people from treating each other with compassion and doing what needs to be done to have a healthy family.
I think you do need to see someone to help you figure out where you may have more power to change things than you think you do. A resource for free services for women is often found in programs for domestic violence. Although you don’t describe a situation where you are battered physically, you are certainly being emotionally abused. I suggest you see what the program near you has to offer in terms of counseling services. The closest program to you is in Wilkes-Barre. The phone number is 866-206-9050. Why don’t you give them a call and see if they can offer you free help or if they can refer you to another appropriate service?
I wish you well.
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Want to Feel Normal. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 1, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/09/05/want-to-feel-normal/