Boyfriend’s Overbearing Mom

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend’s mom is really overbearing its crazy! she gets mad whenever we god forbid don’t eat dinner at their house when she cooks . one time we were leaving to go stay at my place and she’s like “where are you going?!” and my boyfriend said her house and she cries out “her house?!” like it was the end of the world

i also fear that when we move out shes not gonna gonna take it well cause i feel like she never wants him to move out or accomplish anything. shes always talking o him him in a baby voice and its creepy I’m so tired of her treating him like he’s 2 instead of 22. what gets me really mad is on our anniversary and important dates she always needs him to do stuff for her and guilt him into it I’m so tired of it.

I never feel comfortable when my boyfriend wants to get intimate their house cause she just barges in whenever she feels like it sometimes she spreads out on his bed and says just checking on you seeing if you want anything to eat (shes always bugging us about that) I really cant take it anymore I love my boyfriend and plan on having a future with him but i don’t know how to deal with his overbearing mom

A: Yes, there’s something seriously wrong with this woman. She doesn’t seem to want her “baby” to grow up and she is being competitive with you. But — your problem isn’t really with her. It’s with your boyfriend.

If your guy can’t begin to draw boundaries with his mother, I don’t see that the two of you can have a healthy adult relationship. He, not you, needs to tell her to stop using baby talk, to respect his time and his relationship and to stay out of his room. You can’t do that. He has to. Further, he has to do that in a mature way. That means being clear, calm and adult while insisting on a shift in their relationship. Until he does, he isn’t grown up enough for you to consider a future with him.

I suggest you stay away from his house until he does what he has to do to make a change. See each other at your house or on dates. There’s no need to put yourself in this situation.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 31 Aug 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Boyfriend’s Overbearing Mom. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 17, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/31/boyfriends-overbearing-mom/