Not Allowed to See Boyfriend

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My parents won’t let me see my boyfriend of 8 months. I am 16 and he is 17, and they can’t see what I see in him. He’s had a difficult life that I haven’t been anywhere near and I think that’s part of the reason they won’t let me see him. We’ve broken up twice before, but we’re back together and it seems as though he really wants to make it work. They say he is a player and uses me, when he’s never cheated on me or dated anyone else in the time we’ve been together, nor have we had sex. I understand that they just want to protect me, but I think they are going about it the wrong way. My boyfriend says that we should stay together even though we cant see each other, and I’ve agreed, but I also know this isn’t a permanent solution. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my parents, but I also want to be able to see my boyfriend. I just want to see him, but I can’t do it without going behind their back, and whenever I try to talk to them, they won’t really take into consideration what I see in him and why I love him. I know that they’re trying be good parents, but I need them to understand that I love him and I need to see him. Please help me.

A: It is difficult when parents who love you are trying to protect you but at the same time this protection feels very limiting.

I think it might be time for you, your mom, and your dad to sit down together. Trying to solve this on your own will be too frustrating. Ask to have a meeting with your mom and dad and explain to them your struggle — that you want to honor them but you would like to give it a chance with your boyfriend. Bring the problem to them rather than away from them. Move toward the conflict, not away from it.

Ask for their help. Tell them the idea of just cutting the relationship out altogether puts you in a very bad place. Ask them to help solve it with you. Often this can lead to some shift in the stalemate.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Aug 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Not Allowed to See Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/26/not-allowed-to-see-boyfriend/