Is My Guidance Counselor Going Too Far?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

So I’m a 15 year old girl and my teachers sent referrals to my guidance counselor multiple times for her to speak with me because thy felt I was antisocial. My good friend and her whole family had died and I guess I was a little more aloof than usual at the time. Well when I was called into the guidance counselor a office she said that I had some things I needed to work put with her and that I needed to meet with her at least three times a week. She also felt that I had trouble doing things on my own so she said I had to go into her office on my own and say hi twice a day. I always found it odd. Whenever I’d go in there she’d tell me about her kids and how whenever she’d go home her one daughter would ask if she talked to me that day or not and she told me how she told her kids about me and I found that also odd because I barely even knew the woman. Whenever it was Friday she’d say,”When are you coming over for the weekend?” I really don’t know if this is odd or not. Then when it came the last day of school she got my cell number from a friend at school and texts me. Nothing bad or anything just anything you would text anybody I guess. She always text s and asks when she can pick me up to spend the day with her and her kids or go out to lunch but I always come up with some kind of excuse because I don’t know, I can’t hang out with my guidance counselor. I guess what I’m asking is this okay or odd?

A. She might have quite wholesome intentions but it seems as though she may have crossed the line. It is unusual that she procured your phone number from another student, for the purpose of asking you to spend the day with her and her children. It makes you feel uncomfortable and professionally speaking, it is outside the boundaries of what is considered appropriate behavior.

First and foremost, it’s important to tell your parents about the correspondence. They need to be fully informed about this situation. I would also recommend that you do not respond to her texts. You are not obligated to explain your lack of a response but you can tell her that if she wants to communicate with you any further, that it must be done through your parents.

Understandably, having to tell your parents about this matter might put you in a precarious situation. You may not want her to get into trouble. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she might think these extraordinary measures are appropriate; however, she may have gone too far.

The most responsible course of action, is to involve your parents who can then report it to the school so that this situation can be corrected.

Your counselor may be the kindest, most well-intended person on this earth but it is never appropriate, for her, to invite you to spend the weekend with her or to discuss you with her children. From what you have written, she is wrong, dead wrong.

She should not be text messaging you or forcing you to stop by her office to say hello. Her behavior is simply not acceptable. She is dead wrong, even if she may be well intended.

Finally, I want to commend you on your keen observational skills. You were right to ask this question and to suspect that something might be wrong. Don’t hesitate to write again if you have additional questions or concerns. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Aug 2013

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). Is My Guidance Counselor Going Too Far?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/24/is-my-guidance-counselor-going-too-far/