Psych Central

Too Many Chances?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been in a relationship with a boy my age for about 3 years, i lost my virginity to him and have never been in a relationship with anyone else. He smokes a lot of weed, i have always hated it, but he still does it. If we have an argument he throws things, calls me names, swears and tells me to get out of the house. He also steals from me. He owes me about Ł70 now, his excuse is he cannot pay me back because he doesn’t have a job.He refuses to use protection during sex, and says i am selfish for not wanting to go on the pill. (i have tried it, i didn’t agree with me, made me feel really down)So every month i worry that i am pregnant. Every time he treats me badly i vow to myself that i will end the relationship, but when it actually comes to it, i back out; and give him another ‘last chance’ Why do i do this? Please help, thank you.

A: You need to get out of this relationship yesterday. If you don’t, you are likely to end up pregnant, abused and then alone. You are staying with him because he’s a terribly bad habit.

The teen years are when people figure out who they are and what kind of person they want to be with. Usually, this involves dating a number of people so you can learn who is good for you and who isn’t. Having been with him since you were only 14, you’ve missed out on important growing up time. Never having been with anyone else, he’s probably got you convinced that you don’t deserve anyone better. Wrong. You do deserve lots better than this.

I know it will be hard. You’ve spent three years with him. Many young women stay with the wrong guy because he is the one they first had sex with. It’s as if they have to stick with a bad relationship in order to justify the sex. You don’t. You were young. You were naive. And you didn’t really see this fellow for who he is. He isn’t worth your love and your loyalty.

Please say goodbye and make yourself available to someone who will treasure you and cherish you and make you feel good about yourself and the relationship. And, please, don’t fall right into another steady relationship. Take your time. Get to know a number of guys. Most important, first take the time to get to know yourself and what you really want from a partner.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Aug 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Too Many Chances?. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/17/too-many-chances/