Can’t or Won’t?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

First of all i want to apologize for my english, it’s not my first lenguage. I’m 18 and I am a college student.
Well the reason i’m writing is because I feel like i can’t really fall for anyone.
I’ve had a lot of relationship, none of them lasted more than two months, mainly because i got bored. I think that the only part that i truly enjoy is the “hunting” ( i know it may sound a little bit offensive, but i mean no harm) because you can manipulate someone actions and even feelings in a lot of ways.I do it without telling lies though, in fact, i even tell them what i’m doing and sometimes, i even make bets about it (with the girls i am about to conquer ) just to make it harder because that way is more enjoyable (and up to this point I’ve always succeded).
I know that most people would say that there is something wrong with me (and i couldn’t care less) but i really wanna know if there is a possibility that this is something pathological.
That being said thanks for your time

A: You’ve got to decide whether you want a relationship or a game. As you’ve already found, you can’t have both. Relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and communication. If you want to love someone who loves you back, you’ll have to give up the thrill of the hunt and instead find satisfaction in intimacy and caring.

I suspect you focus on the hunt because you are afraid of the vulnerability that comes with true love. It may not be pathological but, in my opinion, it’s still a big problem. Part of being fully human and experiencing the full range of human emotion is to be willing to take emotional risks and having the confidence that you can manage whatever happens next.

You might want to take a look at why you are so cautious and whether you want to do something about it. I hope so. I think that true connection with another person is one of the peak experiences of being alive.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Aug 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Can’t or Won’t?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 27, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/15/cant-or-wont/