I am an adult female that is just coming out of a 15-year marriage that ended roughly. I am currently dating a man 8 years older then myself when I met him I wanted a casual relationship I did not want anything serious. He pushed for it to become serious and told me he loved me after about 4 months or so. We have now been together about 7 months and I too have told him I love him. Recently I had a feeling something was off and we had a cook out at his house his brothers girlfriend’s sister was there (my bf lives with his brother and his go) I knew instantly after seeing them together something had happened I grabbed my stuff and calmly said I’m going to head out now my bf came to me and ask what was wrong I said I’m good just going to head out he followed me out of the house and asked me what was wrong I asked him what was going on between him and the girl. He instantly admitted to me that a few weeks ago he had sex with her. He came home drunk and she was there and it just happened. He has apologized. He won’t give me details of the encounter, which I kind of understand though I really want to know who started it. I’m at a cross roads as to what to do. He is very apologetic he says he really wants to be with me and knows it will never happen again. The girl stays at the house often though and my bf drinks often. I have given him the option to go back and make this a casual relationship and he does not want that. He says he wants to be with me. Now I have a nesting agreement with my ex where I’m in the house with the kids half time and he is in the house with the kids half time. My bf mentioned to me that is bothers him that he has never been to my house and my living situation bothers him but says he will not make an excuse for what he has done he says he made a mistake and its not going to happen again. I’m not sure if I should stay or go.
A: It is time to honor your initial instinct of wanting to maintain a casual, non-exclusive relationship. His behavior, regardless of the details, points to the fact that he puts himself in situations where he makes bad choices and poor decisions. I wouldn’t bank on this as anything more than a transitional relationship. Your initial instinct to keep it casual was right.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Aug 2013
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Cheating Boyfriend Admitted It. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 28, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/09/cheating-boyfriend-admitted-it/