Should I Be Suspicious?

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Hi thank you for taking the time to read this.
My girlfriend and I are on our 6 month anniversary. I love my girlfriend very much to the bottom of my heart, the problem is I usually get suspicious about her cheating on me and seeing other guys. My girlfriend prefers the indoors, she always makes friends through the Internet. She even met her first boyfriend in the Internet. She decided to tell me about her previous relationship and that it lasted for about a year. They have never met in person but what devastates me the most is that she said that she would make video calls with him and show her bras and panties. She admitted to me that she used to be so slutty back then and she says that she changed for me. Everyday she spends her days video chatting with her friends. Most of the time it’s usually her “Internet friends”. She also still talks to her ex online because she says that her best friend is dating her ex. She would always push me and would go to her Internet friends. What I’m worried about is that she could be seeing someone online and showing nude pics or whatever. We argued about that already. She knew she was pushing me and had apologized for it. She also says that she would never cheat or see anyone in the Internet. The problem is that I still don’t believe her because she stays up all night to video chat with her friends. She and I do not really go on dates anymore. What I did was I would just stop by and say hi and goodbye then she goes back to her laptop. Also I can’t do anything at all, I can’t check on her laptop or anything. I’m still having suspicions of her cheating. For all i know she might already have a backup boyfriend or is seeing someone online and i don’t even know it. What should I do? How do I trust her? How can I get rid of this jealousy whenever she talks to guys in real life and online?

A: I appreciate the distress you feel, but I am confused. You say she is your girlfriend, but then explain that you argue regularly about her behavior, you don’t go on dates, she prefers her video friends over you, she is secretive, and you are constantly worried that she is unfaithful. This doesn’t sound like you having a healthy, loving relationship. She sounds more like a source of frustration rather than a source of reciprocal love. I would stop looking for something from someone who doesn’t appear that interested in giving it. Perhaps it is time to find a real rather than virtual girlfriend.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Aug 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Should I Be Suspicious?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/08/08/should-i-be-suspicious/