My mom, drinks a lot. She drinks alcohol everyday like it’s water. She drinks day and night. Also, she don’t eat much. My father is worried about my mom and me and my siblings, he’s worried about the health of my mom, he is also worried about our condition in our house. But I am worried about my siblings. My mom is a heavy drinker. I want her to stop as soon as possible so she can live a healthy life. I want my dad to stop pressuring my mom and stop using harsh words against her. My dad always wants me to take care of my siblings and my mom, he don’t trust my mom that much so he depends on me. And not too long ago, I noticed that my dad uses harsh words towards my mom that’s why she’s always mad at my dad, she’s always depressed and sad. I do agree with my dad, my mom really have to stop hanging with her friends at night and leaves us alone. My dad really want to stop her but he is in abroad, so he can’t do much, because he’s so faraway from us. The thing is I don’t want this things to affect my siblings, so if my mom is drunk (always) I catch her responsibility. I decided to do this, when I was 8! But as time passes, (I’m now 13) My dad tends to depend on me. I want to runaway because I’m tired of problems of my family, I always catch the responsibility. There is even a time where I thought of dying. But I’m worried about my siblings. I don’t want them to undergo to this kind of experience, I don’t want them to catch the responsibility that I always catch from my mom. So I am troubled and tired. I am stuck. What should I do? I want to stop mom from drinking alcohol. I want to have a better life. What do you think I should do?
A. You are a victim. Your parents are not doing their job. Your mother drinks and your father is helpless to stop her. Through no fault of your own you have effectively become the surrogate parent. I am sorry that you are involved in this unfair set of circumstances.
Your desire to escape your situation is understandable but neither running away nor ending your life is a good solution.
I would recommend trying the following ideas. Please consider them.
Tell your parents how you feel. They might not be aware of how their behavior is negatively affecting you and your siblings. They need to know.
You should also ask your parents to have you evaluated by a mental health professional.
Speak to a school counselor, faculty member, a nurse, or a doctor. Make them aware of what is happening at your home. It might help to gain professional psychological intervention for you and your family.
Is there a relative with whom you can speak? Non-immediate family members might be willing to intervene. Maybe not but it’s something you should try.
You can also report your circumstances to a child abuse and neglect hotline. I am not certain if that service is available in your country but it is in the United States. Parents who neglect their children can be prosecuted. Call the authorities if you find yourself or your siblings in an unsafe or frightening situation.
Keep trying. Even when it’s very tough remember that it is only temporary. Time will pass. You are growing and someday this will all be just a memory of the past and how hard you had it. If I could do more to help you, I promise you that I would.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Jul 2013
Randle, K. (2013). Alcoholic Mom and Annoying Dad. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 10, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/07/27/alcoholic-mom-and-annoying-dad/