Brother is Inappropriately Sexual

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have a 15 year old brother who looks up to me. He claims to be scared of the dark. Usually after watching a scary movie he would ask me to sleep in his room. Last year in the middle of the night, I felt something near my private part and it was my younger brother trying to touch me but i noticed that was “sleeping” so I assumed that he was having a “sexual dream”. I always had a feeling that my brother is gay but that doesn’t bother me. Then another night it happened again and he tried to touch me but this time i freaked out and slapped his hand and it seemed like he was “sleeping”. so once again I thought he was dreaming. Two nights ago in my room downstairs my a/c broke so I went to sleep in my little brothers room again. In the middle of the night I felt him trying to aim for my pants and I turned around and he quickly “pretended” to go back to sleep but this time I was very sure that he was awake. Last night I slept over again since I couldnt take the heat but this time I was so freaked out that I slept my stomach facing down. Around 4 am he kept trying and trying so i turned opposite side from him and he gave up turned around and started to masturbate. I was so freaked out I didnt know what to do somehow I forced myself to go back to sleep and oversleep so I wouldnt wake up to his face of how freaked out I was. Its been a whole and I just dont understand and i dont know how to confornt him at all. What does this mean? I think its weird for my younger brother to want to touch me? It doesnt make sense.

A. Your brother has homosexual tendencies. Otherwise, he would not have been trying to touch you.

After the first incident, you should not have placed yourself in a position where it could happen again. You put yourself in danger. Even though it was he who was touching you, as the adult in this situation, you could have been accused of child molestation. Please don’t misunderstand what I saying. I’m not accusing you of molesting your brother because clearly that is not the case but someone could have unfairly made that accusation.

Going forward, you must never put yourself in a position where he can touch you. You should not be sleeping in his bed. If it’s necessary to sleep in his room, then sleep far away from him, alone and on the floor. Make it clear that he is not to leave his bed or you will leave the room. Also, talk to him about his masturbation. Tell him that you will not accept any sexual behavior on his part when you are present. You and he should never be sleeping in the same bed and only in a true emergency in the same room.

You should also ensure that no one else sleeps in his bed. Since he has attempted to touch you, it’s reasonable to believe that he may try to do it to others. Young children, especially, are at risk.

If you choose to confront your brother, you may want to do so with the assistance of a family therapist. It’s a very sensitive issue that may require professional help. You may want to contact a therapist and speak with him or her about the situation. After gathering more information about your family, they could advise you about how to address this situation. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Jul 2013

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). Brother is Inappropriately Sexual. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/07/24/brother-is-inappropriately-sexual/