Jealous of Friend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

For some reason I start getting angry whenever my best friend talks to this other girl at school. This has been going on for about 8 weeks (that’s just a guess) but it’s not improving.

Whenever she’s in the room my friend always talks to her and it gets me really frustrated. I’ve destroyed 3 pens already in the past 2 weeks and I can’t concentrate in my lessons. In all my other lessons it’s fine but it’s only in the lessons where both of them are talking. I find this girl (let’s just call her J, her name begins with that) she is really boring, she’s always talking about boys and nothing else. J has a boyfriend now but she doesn’t talk to him very often and I am always trying to help because I want to be a psychologist anyway but she says she doesn’t trust me because I tell everyone. It mainly began with feelings of depression and loneliness but not anymore. At least I’m not scared of death anymore I used to think about it all the time.

I tried telling my best friend about this but she gets really angry about it and everyone else says I’m being selfish. But I think I’m the opposite I always want to help J even though I hate her. I asked my friend how she is feeling about this and she says I should accept the fact that she has friends other than me and I should be friends with J.

I’ve tried lots of my own ideas. Plan 1 was to try and be friends with J. That went badly everyone thought I was being creepy. Plan 2 was to frighten J into thinking I was going to hurt her. That went very badly I don’t even though how I thought of that. Plan 3 was to try and annoy J until she leaves the room and I can just be with my best friend. That went well but my fiend was not happy with that.

I don’t know why I get like this, maybe I have a disorder of some sort. Or maybe my friend has something wrong with her she hallucinates a lot she sees this scary man with oil coming from his mouth and she sometimes hears things but I get that too. And feelings that I keep dropping things and like something is crawling on my skin. I don’t mind that though it’s not so bad but my friend finds the man really scary. I tried asking her to talk to him or interact with him in some way but she said no. And she doesn’t want psychology advice since she doesn’t believe that they work (how dare she!).

I’m sorry if this is too long I could go on all day but I don’t want to go to a therapist or something like that it’s too expensive anyway and my friend wouldn’t want to. I know a friend who studies psychology at university but it would be a bit awkward to ask her. Thank you for your time I’m not very sure what to do.

A: You’ve actually asked several questions so let me take them one at a time. You are jealous of your friend talking to someone else because you are insecure. That’s not at all unusual in someone who is 13. You are at an age where you are figuring out who you are and how to fit in with other people.

None of your tactics with J will work because the problem isn’t J. The problem is in you. You need to work on gaining more self-confidence. The way to do that is to leave J alone and work on being the best person you know how to be. Take care of yourself. Do some volunteer work and other things that make you feel good about yourself. I’m not talking about giving people advice. People generally don’t like to get advice unless they ask for it. I’m talking about doing things to make the world a better place.

As for your friend who has visual hallucinations: She may be merely someone who has a very vivid imagination. But if she feels it is totally out of her control and it scares her, she really should see a professional therapist for an evaluation (not your friend at university and not you). If she does have an emerging mental health disorder, it is best to get treatment early. All you can do as her friend is make a caring suggestion that she should talk to a professional. She has to decide for herself if she wants to follow through.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Jul 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Jealous of Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/07/22/jealous-of-friend/