Falling Apart?

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Hi there, I’m stuck and need help. I feel like my life, marriage and self in general is just coming undone. Am I depressed? Is this just a “phase” a “rough patch” The most pressing issue is my marriage. We’ve been together 5 years and for the majority of that I’ve been angry. or “mean” in my husbands words. I have almost no desire for him sexually so we have little to no sex, I resent him I think but don’t know why because I love him dearly. My marriage is in trouble and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This is not new to me; I had the same struggles with my past
relationship. I almost feel like I’m happier alone; I almost
don’t give an s**t about anyone else’s feelings or needs. I don’t know what to do. I feel on edge and anxious and angry and irritated and guilty but in the end I just don’t know if I care about any of that because in my own way I’m kind of happy. I realized I’ve written this kind of haphazardly, I just don’t know what else to say or where to begin. Am I going crazy like the majority of my family? Am I normal, just cruel? Why do I feel like I don’t care? Why do I feel like I’ve flipped the off switch? Am I heartless? I know I’m tired and I know I’m not satisfied.

A: The fact that you have an ongoing theme in your relationships is likely to mean that this is an issue that probably stems from your family of origin. One way to try to understand how to unravel this is to engage in either individual or couples therapy. With individual therapy you can explore the history of how you got into this relationship. With couples therapy you may be able to unravel the dynamics that are in your present relationship. Both can offer ways to help correct it.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Jul 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Falling Apart?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 3, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/07/09/falling-apart/