Psych Central

Fear of Relationship Future

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

First of all I want to say sorry if I don’t write in English well.
I am 26 years old and have been friend with my boyfriend when I was 21(5years). He is 6 months older than me.
We have a good relationship and love each other bud I am worry about future.
He never ever talks about the future of our relationship. About 2 years ago when we were talking I asked him what do you think about our future? He answered “I don’t think about marrying yet so don’t think about marrying with you too! We decided to talk about future next year (last year). The time passed but he never told anything about that….. 1 month ago I said I don’t want be closer with you because I am 26 years old and in gold age if we want be separate from each other (I mean finishing friendship) it will be to hard and I don’t want to make it harder. He only says breaking up with you will be really hard to me too! And confirmed what I said about my age… I said you don’t think about what I said 2 years ago, he said ohhhhh I think about it too much but you are right I should tell you what I think. I couldn’t continue talking because should go to home. I was waiting he say something after that but day passed after day he did not say even one word!! And our friendship is continuing…I said we have a really good relationship and both of us effort to building it.i guess one of the reasons he doesn’t talk about future he don’t want to make any Commitment to prevent from conscience torment in future. I feel angry and concerned. Someone heard my story and told me he has not stability in his life yet and we he become stable will understand a girls he want is not you and will leave you…!!! I cant decide what should I do, I really love him but I cant be undecided anymore…he doesn’t ask me for more time even! Maybe I have never been serious about this subject and he thinks I wont leave him….I really need your help…please tell me what should I do near keeping my self-esteem .thanks a lot.

A: If a long-term relationship is what you want with a marriage commitment then I would be very clear about this and have the discussion about each of your expectations. Find out what he is hoping for in this relationship – and be clear about what you want. Relationships are difficult to maneuver even when goals and intentions are clear, and in your situation there is a need for greater clarity about the direction each of you is looking for. Only then can you determine where the future potential in the relationship lies.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jul 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Fear of Relationship Future. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/07/08/fear-of-relationship-future/