Boyfriend’s Feelings Have Changed

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Help me Its a 15 year relationship and im about to abandon 5 cats!!! I have 9 he hates it!! It is too much for me to care for me and 9 cats he. Says we cant find another place to rent with 9. I say it is hard to take care of all .But what can i do? I cant find them homes noone wants cats. I begged nokill shelters even told them um I am sucidal cause I have 9. This isnt our only problem. He keeps adding problems. If only he loved the cats like me and helped me care for them I would keep them. But he dont love me like that.I saved the kitties I had a rescuers heart. All spayed nuetered. How do get a nokill to take 5 or 4?? Or do i have tooo go to vet myself and put them asleep?? Why dont I try changing him instead duh Its cause I have true love and he dont right. How can he dump me after 15 years.?? I need help im depressed loosing my mind.

A. It sounds as though your boyfriend wants to end the relationship, leaving you without a place to live with your nine cats. I’m sorry to learn about your predicament.

You asked the question “why don’t I try changing him?” It is important to realize that your power to force your boyfriend to change is very limited. You can’t change the way he feels. When a relationship ends, the feelings between the two parties are typically not mutual. In other words, someone gets their feelings hurt because they weren’t ready for the relationship to end.

In an ideal world, all animals would be adopted by loving people but it’s difficult to find homes for all orphaned animals. It’s a sad reality but it is the truth. Try to find homes for the cats. Perhaps shelter workers or local veterinarians can assist you in finding the cats new homes. Try everything you can to remedy this situation. All you can do is try your best. The cats’ lives are important but your life is more important. You need a place to live or you will be living on the streets or in shelters. In that case you will not be able to save even one of your nine cats. If, you can save one, that is good. If you can save two that is better and if you could save all nine that would be ideal. The reality is that there are only so many that you can save and still save yourself. Save yourself first.

As for the depression related to your breakup, you may want to see a mental health professional. A mental health professional might also assist you in developing a solution regarding your cats. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 Jul 2013

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). Boyfriend’s Feelings Have Changed. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/07/04/boyfriends-feelings-have-changed/

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