Fiancé Cheating on Me with Ex

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been with my fiancé for 2 years now, engaged 4 months ago and getting married in 3 months. I am positive he loves me, but he freaked out a months ago and when I broke it off he did the impossible to get back. His ex girl friend called me and told me he never stopped calling her and she told me details about our break up that she could only know through him, I confronted him and he lied and then I saw his mobile detailed bills and she was all over. She showed me her phone to show me the messages he sent her. He is admitting to only being sexually involved and is begging me to forgive him. I don’t believe it was purely physical I believe he is attached to her since he was calling her the day of our engagement, and even when he was begging to be back after freaking out he was also calling her. I know he loves me and we have a perfect relation but I don’t understand what she is to him and I don’t know what to do….leave him or forgive him..but how can I forgive?

A: I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but I don’t think this is a perfect relationship. You are committed 100 percent. He seems to be so terrified of commitment that he keeps another option open at all times. He may love you but his fear of being exclusive is bigger than his love. And what do you mean only sexually involved? As long as he is being that intimate with someone else, he is diluting the importance of your relationship with him.

My suggestion? Cancel the wedding plans for now. A relationship that has this kind of inequality in it won’t last. He keeps someone in reserve, lies, and is unfaithful. You are ready to be someone’s one and only. If you do truly love each other, then maybe some couples counseling will help you get on the same page. Don’t settle for less. You deserve to get what you give.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Jun 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Fiancé Cheating on Me with Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/06/29/fiance-cheating-on-me-with-ex/

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