I Don’t Want to Live Anymore

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m 15 and I have lived the worst life possible so far. My parents are separated and my dad is not in my life anymore he used to keep in touch every once in a while but since last summer after he married my cousin I have not heard from. I have tried to reach out to him numerous of times but nothing seems to work. I constantly beat myself up about the situation assuming its my fault he rather love someone else’s kids than his own. My mom has had a tough time raising my brother and I and we have moved from house to house reason being we have been kicked out because of my mom not paying the rent. My life have been so depressing i used to be so social but this all changed when I met this guy whom I I feel in love with I will keep is name private and call him Julian. Julian was 18 when we first started talking I know that old but younger guys have always took control over me and Julian “did understand me” . I thought we would be together forever and I didn’t want anyone coming in between us but months later I found out he was cheating on me. I still stayed with him but now it’s a year and 8 months later and it seems like I’m in an emotional wreck, I want to leave him but yet I want to stay with him. Although causes so much pain in my life he mentally abuses me and its detroying me. My mom is going crazy just today she called me a “failure” which hurt me more than anything . My brother just graduated and he never is home because he says he needs to escape from home. He used to be the only person who gave me hope but now I have none at all. I cut my self a lot I tried drowning myself and Over dosing but I stopped . But I don’t know what to do I just really don’t want too live anymore !!

A. You are obviously in a great deal of emotional pain. You’re dealing with a lot and are punishing yourself through self-harm and by attempting to overdose. People who engage in self-harm often do so because they don’t have the necessary coping skills to handle stressful life situations.

Your father’s decision to leave his family was not your fault. He apparently thought it was morally acceptable to abandon his family. His choices are a reflection on him and not a statement of your worth as a human being. You must believe that you are a lovable, worthy person even when your parents make poor choices.

You fell in love with an individual who doesn’t value you. When we do not value ourselves, then we allow others to treat us unkindly. When you come to love and value yourself, you will no longer tolerate being treated unjustly.

Your home life has been unstable and traumatizing. Your mother is unable to support you and even says hurtful things to you. Life is hard for you, as it is for many people, but it will eventually get better. Problems are a part of life. Everyone experiences problems but the key to dealing with them effectively is to arm yourself with good problem-solving skills. These skills can be learned in psychotherapy.

It’s important to seek professional help. In the absence of problem-solving skills, you are resorting to acts of desperation to relieve your emotional pain. Psychotherapy can teach you these essential skills.

If you feel that you may harm yourself, call 911 or go to the emergency room. You should tell your mother about these issues. If you feel that you cannot talk to her, then speak to someone at your school. They can assist you in receiving the proper mental health treatment. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Jun 2013

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). I Don’t Want to Live Anymore. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/06/18/i-dont-want-to-live-anymore/