He Doesn’t Love Me Back

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I told my bf of 6 months that I loved him. He said he does not love me yet and does not know if he ever will. He contemplated breaking up with me but then decided we would still give it a try. He said he did not want to lead me on if he never felt that way. I know he recently got out of a terrible and horrible 2 year relationship before me. Our relationship has been very good and people think we seem to be in love and he acts like it too. So I am confused and hurt. What should I do? Is it possible he is just scared and eventually will? Or am I just wasting my time? Help

I would honor his honesty and answering you by letting him know that you appreciate him telling you directly.

I would also then explain that it sounds like he may not be interested in a committed relationship with you. Let him respond to this. The core of what he was struggling with is his degree of connection and commitment to you. Putting that issue on the front burner is likely to help clarify whether it is worth waiting and seeing if he develops deeper feelings for you or if commitment isn’t something he is able and willing to do right now. In either case I believe this discussion has value for your future separately or as a couple.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Jun 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). He Doesn’t Love Me Back. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/06/01/he-doesnt-love-me-back/