Having Cynical Thoughts for Years

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I don’t really know how to start this, but there is just almost constant voice in my mind that is always putting me down. Every time I make a mistake, even if its as simple as forgetting a word in my speech (I compete in speaking contests) the voice will pop in and say ‘You’re so stupid, no wonder no guy will ever love you or want you’ Its always telling me that I’m ugly, worthless and stupid.

I think that some of it might have to do with the fact that my mother abandoned me when I was an infant, and the voice is always throwing that in my face by saying stuff like ‘You’re so worthless you’re own mother didn’t want you’ I also have a cleft pallet and a speaking problem (I slur my words together) so I’m constantly worried about others think of me.

I know that you get a lot of this messages, and you probably won’t be able to answer mine, but if you could I would really appreciate it.

A. There are many reasons why you may be hearing voices. People sometimes talk to themselves and that is completely normal. People with psychotic disorders also hear voices and those voices are often critical. It is impossible to tell over the Internet the origin or seriousness of the voices you hear.

From your letter it does appear that the voices expound upon your own self-doubt. You may simply be amplifying your own doubt, worries and fears in the voices that you hear. However, you should be evaluated by a psychotherapist to more fully understand the nature of the voices.

It is critically important for all people to not allow false thoughts to exist within their minds. In other words, it is critically important to only believe in what is true or real. For instance, you have allowed yourself the false thought that since your mother abandoned you she didn’t want you. I don’t know what’s true in your case or why your mother did abandon you but it is foolhardy to conclude that she abandoned you because she didn’t want you.

In many, many cases where a mother gives up or abandons a child, it has absolutely nothing to do with how much the mother loves or wanted her baby. Sometimes giving up a child is the ultimate act of love by a mother because she knows that she simply cannot give the care to the baby that she desires and wants for her baby. Sometimes the mother is in poor physical or mental health. Sometimes the mother is desperately poor and wants a better life for her baby. Perhaps the mother was forced by her family or her religion to give up the baby that she so desperately loves.

The reality in your situation is that you simply don’t know why your mother gave you up. And those are the thoughts that should fill your head. You should be thinking “I don’t know why my mother gave me up and I may never know.” You should not be thinking, “she gave me up because I was worthless.”

In complete honesty, you have no idea why your mother gave you up. Most likely, she gave you up for her own personal issues. Perhaps she was too young, too stupid, a drug addict, a cult member, too weak to stand up to those around her and countless other reasons that reflect on your mother and not on you. You and all other people need to realize that we cannot believe in that which is not true. You cannot believe that you are worthless since your mother gave you up. You simply don’t know why she gave you up and you cannot come to a conclusion that you cannot prove to be true.

The tragedy of false thinking is that it can hold you back in life. People who don’t think highly of themselves often significantly underestimate their abilities and may never realize their true potential.

The main problem with negative false thinking is the risk of becoming your own enemy. One attempts to improve their life yet is faced with the constant false thought that they are no good. You can learn to change your thinking to be more in line with reality. In fact, that is the basis of cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapists assess an individual’s thinking, identify cognitive distortions and then aligns it with the truth.

I would recommend seeing a psychotherapist. Therapists specialize in helping individuals with the very problems with which you are struggling. Negative thinking also may be a sign of depression. Therapy could help you immensely and significantly improve the quality of your life. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 31 May 2013

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2013). Having Cynical Thoughts for Years. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 2, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/05/31/having-cynical-thoughts-for-years/

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