Trusting My Boyfriend

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My boyfriend & I have a 9-year past. We both have very horrible drinking partying sleeping around pasts. We have currently been together for 14 months no breakups and only some fights. I have caught him lying to me twice once he was super drunk texting some other girl about how beautiful she was etc. etc. I saw the message and he lied to my face. Then I see a picture of him at a bar on a friend’s Facebook after he says he’s going to bed. I confronted him an he claims he was there to pick up a friend yet he was dressed to the 9′s Now he’s been dangling a engagement ring over my head for a least 6 months. Its beginning to become frustrating for me cause that kind of commitment out of him in my eyes would help my issues, we spend a lot of time together when we can, we still live apart, we have two dogs together. Now he’s talking about plans to move out in the Spring of 2014 but I cannot get past the past, he wants to go camping alone to go fish cause I work and I automatically start to cry, there’s another girl, he’s doing this to get a reaction out of me. I don’t know how to trust his words due to the stuff I’ve dealt with in the past with him. Its killing me I over eat I stress I look like I haven’t slept in weeks All I want is to smile again and believe it when he tells me he wants to be with me forever but with stupid comments and stupid actions its hard for me to believe.

A: “We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” — Walter Anderson

It seems to me there simply isn’t enough trust left in the relationship. You have been hurt and lied to and the engagement ring seems more like a tool for manipulation than a loving gesture. From what you have said he has lied, there is another girl, he is trying to do things to provoke you and he taunts you with an engagement ring – but doesn’t offer it. Do you need this?

The find help tab at the top of the page will help you find a therapist in your area. It sounds like it is time for you to take care of yourself and not be in orbit around him. You deserve more than you say you are getting from this relationship.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 May 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Trusting My Boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/05/22/trusting-my-boyfriend/