I Believe That My Girlfriend Raped Me

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Today while we were both in respective dark depressed moods, my girlfriend jumped on me and started kissing me very forcefully. I told her I really did not want to and pushed her aside. I got up and she came up to me, pulled down my pants and started groping for my penis. I pushed her away but she kept forcing and forcing herself on me. I clearly repeated ‘no’ many times. Eventually I got away, as it was difficult because I didn’t want to hurt her, and she pushed me on the bed and grabbed my penis and forcing it in her mouth. I tried to push her away but I didn’t want to hurt her, even though she was hurting me. Eventually I felt as though it was pointless to resist and just let her. I was not aroused at all but still ejaculated (is that really possible?). I since feel so invaded, hurt, angry and most of all, it made me feel even more depressed. Like I’m sinking into this black hole. I feel robbed of something but we have been dating for over 4 years and I’m a man. Should I feel like this? Do I have a right to feel like this?

A: You certainly have a right to feel like this and this is an important issue you are bringing forward. Not having your girlfriend respect your refusal is extremely serious. Your boundaries were not respected, you were clear and clearly ignored. This doesn’t sound romantic, exciting, or sexy. It sound degrading and controlling: two characteristics you do not want to have in your partner. Since you are in college I would go to the counseling center and tell them what happened – not as a couple, but as someone who has survived a rape. For more information you may want to check out this article.

Don’t wait. The longer you take to begin talking about this, the more uncomfortable it will become. You have taken a good first step here. Now it is time to follow it up with a counselor at your school.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 May 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). I Believe That My Girlfriend Raped Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/05/18/i-believe-that-my-girlfriend-raped-me/