Parents Upset We Had Sex

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I know most people think this is stupid but I am really serious with my girlfriend and we have alot of fun together an we are so In love. we r in high school but next year we graduate and we want to move in together. the problem is her parents are ridiculous. they are terrible human beings. we had sex and they got mad at her even tho we were completely safe and we have been together a long time now. they want her to break up with me even tho we have Both improved each others life so much and they threaten to make her transfer schools and she is so scared. her parents don’t treat her well mine aren’t the greatest but I’m worried about her. once her mom even told her that she hates her and that made me so angry. her brother who graduated a while ago really enjoys us as a couple and has no idea about the situation with his mom. he does know we had sex but is totally fine. I know most people think that my problem is stupid and say it’s just a high school relationships but it’s not. I feel something with her and she’s the only thing that makes me truly happy and we are scared and confused. if u could help me It would mean alot. I know u can’t solve this problem but I just need support I need someone to tell me our life gets better thank you

A: Being protective of their daughter doesn’t make her parents terrible people. On the other hand, it’s not okay for a mom to tell her daughter that she hates her. It sounds like everyone is upset and may be saying things they regret.

I know it may seem romantic to be in an “us against them” relationship but that seldom works out. Romeo and Juliet were teens whose parents disapproved and we all know how that turned out!

If you want to help settle things down, you need to find a way to forge a respectful relationship with your girlfriend’s parents. That means getting to know them as people and finding ways for them to get to know you. Her parents don’t know about the wonderful qualities that your girlfriend sees. They only see a guy who wants sex with their daughter.

It might help if you and your girlfriend talked with them about how you’ve improved each other’s lives and what you hope for in the future. Show her folks that you are a substantial person. That means doing well in school, maybe having a responsible job or doing some volunteer work, and working toward goals for a good life. They may never agree that it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage but they may be able to accept you being in her life if they see you as a responsible and mature young adult.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 May 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Parents Upset We Had Sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/05/05/parents-upset-we-had-sex/