Angry at Girlfriend’s Past

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I guess she is my ex now, but I was in a reasonably serious relationship with a women about 20 years my senior (a subject that came with its own issues). She grew up around Redfern and Randwick in Sydney around the 70′s and 80′s in that time as a kid she did drugs and kicked around with some real dangerous and unstable thugs. It makes for a compelling story when spoken in detail. However despite how much we loved spending time with each other and how genuine our love for each other was. Her occasional anecdote about transporting heroine flipped a circuit in my brain, it feels like Neutron Bomb detonates in my head and I get stuck on furious! I can’t understand why this offends me? This was in the past, she has a good life and she’s buried that part of her. So why am I feeling like I have to fight my own hand to stave off slapping someone that I would never EVER HURT!

(This next section is just a bit of background it may help)

I was born in Sydney but moved to the Gold Coast when I was young, unlike my ex I was raised by loving parents (though separated). While my parents were both cops I was never exposed to any of the harsh realities of the real world. I learnt alot about life by learning from the mistakes of others (feel free to condescend to me about that). While my ex grew through experience.

So if anyone can shed some light over why I become undone by something that happened years before I was born by someone who didn’t know any better.

A: You grew up in a law enforcement household. While I am sure you did not have to manage the personal struggles of coping with unsavory elements in society, my guess is that you heard stories of how your mom and dad had to cope with people like your lover. This would make sense. Your parents’ livelihood and discussion probably led to you to have an opinion about those who break the law. Although your girlfriend broke the law she seems to have transcended her past and evolved into a good citizen. That is likely why you’re okay with her in the present moment, but furious about her past.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 29 Apr 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Angry at Girlfriend’s Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/04/29/angry-at-girlfriends-past/

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