Miscarried and Grieving Alone

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I had a silent miscarriage and found out at my 12 week scan that I was no longer pregnant a few weeks ago. Not even 48 hours after finding out the worst news of my life that killed me inside my sister decided to rub it in my face that she was now pregnant and having everything I want. She makes out she feels bad and she’s there for me but she never has been before so why now. I’m very close to my mum but since I lost mine and my sister is now pregnant I seem to have been pushed out the picture. I have a very strong hate for my sister now and my mum is being very stressed with me and doesn’t seem to think about my feelings because all she ever talks to me about is my sisters baby and it being her first grandchild. I feel as though MIT baby that I carried didn’t mean anything to them what breaks my heart when I think of it. I’m still very upset about loosing my baby and cry myself to sleep a lot. I try to talk to my mum but she just says be nice she’s your sister. Well where was my sisters kindness when she shattered my life into a million peaces in a second I’m her sister to where was her speech about being nice. I have always been to nice for my own good so when everyone asked me how I was about it I said I was fine because telling the truth wasn’t going to change anything just make me look heartless. Now I wish I had told people because now I would feel so depressed. To make matters worse my sister has had a few problems living with her boyfriend so now she has moved onto my mums drive in a caravan so now I have no chance of going to my mums to talk without my sister being there what upsets me even more. I can’t talk to my partner about things my mum has said as he gets upset that they hurt me and starts hating her and that hurts me because I love my mum so much. I just don’t know what to do. I work at the same place as my sister so not only so I have people talking about my sisters baby at my mums all the time I get it at work off staff and customers. Most of witch didn’t know I was pregnant as I was keeping it quite till my twelve week scan that they keep asking me about it and give me a break down at work. I have been feeling very closed off from everyone and I can’t seem to shake it. I think it’s the fact that my baby seems to have been forgotten and it kills me and makes me feel numb inside I just need someone to listen and help, thanks for your time and help.

A: I am so very sorry for your loss. One thing that may be happening has to do with the fact that in addition to the psychological struggle to get through this time your body is likely to be going through a hormonal roller coaster.

I would strongly recommend psychotherapy for coping with the loss you feel from the miscarriage, helping adjust yourself to your sister’s pregnancy and her lack of effort at support.

This is the time for you to recover and reclaim yourself through support through psychotherapy. See if the hospitals in your area are offering individual or group therapy for grieving. This is a profound loss and there are people available who can help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Apr 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Miscarried and Grieving Alone. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/04/19/miscarried-and-grieving-alone/

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