My Husband has Trust Issues

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My husband has trust issues, and therefore he divides himself into pieces and hands them to different women so if one piece is damaged he still has the other pieces safe. He can’t have one complete relationship-emotional and physical- with the same person. It took me a while to understand this and it hurt a lot at the beginning, but now I want to know if this can be fixed. He doesn’t want to go to therapy, he says he’s been there before and it doesn’t work. He says he is working on himself and I don’t believe so because he still does those things, but that makes me think he really sees there is a problem, which would be the first step to finding a solution. He had bad things happen to him as a kid and I think that’s where this comes from. What he does drives me nuts but I like all the rest. Sometimes I feel I won’t find a perfect person but I feel this can be fixed. Help, please?

A: I can understand the frustration of being with someone who is fragmented with their energy and commitment. While I am very much invested in the hope of making relationships work, I also know what it takes for someone struggling with your husband’s issue to come to terms with it.

The main problem is that he would have to invest his all in a therapist. This requires the same core dilemma as the issue itself and this creates the conundrum. I think the only real shot at this is a weekend couples therapy workshop. I have made this recommendation to couples with similar issues. If there is a chance for a correction, the short-term commitment of a weekend has promise for opening up the process of healing. Without a commitment to some therapy it is unlikely your husband will be motivated to change.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Apr 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). My Husband has Trust Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/04/06/my-husband-has-trust-issues/