Scared of Sex

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I recently was propositioned for sex by two girls at the same time. Alcohol and drugs were in the mix (after a 3 month period of sobriety.) i initially said yes but when the situation occured I got very nervous and couldn’t pull the trigger. I was not erect and actually had to leave the room, it was very embaressing. I have always had trouble getting an erection (even during my first sexual encounter and practically everyone since) and have had to somewhat rely of viagra. It is very hard for me to have sex without being somewhat drunk. I think the real problem is some combination of my being so nervous, and having a low libido. It is very frustrating and makes me feel like less of a man, or that a real man could get the job done. Is there any effective treatment for this or will have to suffer thru it.

A: I can tell this distresses you a lot. But I think you are defining the problem in a way that makes it impossible for you to solve it. I don’t think you are not man enough or that you have a sexual problem. I think you are trying to have sex without the love and intimacy and tenderness that a sensitive guy like yourself needs in order to be intimate.

Instead of focusing on sexual prowess, I think you need to put your attention on finding a person you can love and cherish who loves and cherishes you back. When you do, the two of you will love exploring each other’s bodies and finding ways to give each other pleasure through touch and closeness and, yes, sex.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Apr 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Scared of Sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/04/01/scared-of-sex/

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