Boyfriend Constantly Flirts

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend and I been together for 3 years (we’re 22) and at the beginning of our relationship it was rocky but we gotten much better so I thought. My boyfriend’s career is a tattoo artist so he tattoos girls and guys in the most private places, but I dealt with that after all that’s how we met. However he flirts with these females and I don’t mean a glance or a hi, he texts them and is on social networks getting with these females asking them out to dinner, making sexual remarks, inviting them over to OUR house (we live together). He says things and wants to do things that he DOESNT do with me (he seems like he’s all talk and no action).

The first time I found out I yelled at him (big argument) found out oral sex was involved so I cheated purposely. he found out. We worked on the issues and I’ve never cheated but now I want to because the same problem is occurring no matter HOW I address the problem. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been dealing with this problem since the beginning and the biggest problem is they’re his female clients??? HELPPPP I ALWAYS WIND UP FORGIVING HIM, HE NEVER TELLS ME THE TRUTH WHEN I FIND OUT, I THREATENED TO DUMP HIM- HE CRIES AND HE DOES IT AGAIN

A: This relationship is going nowhere. You don’t trust your boyfriend. He continues to give you reasons not to. He has an active fantasy life that goes beyond talk. He’s asking these women out to dinner and inviting them into your home.

You aren’t blameless. Your response to his behavior is to cheat to get even. Obviously, it doesn’t work. Of more concern, it shows you to be as immature as he is. You then fall for it when he cries and you let yourself get talked into trying again. What a painful and pointless cycle. He lies. You cheat. He cries. You give in. And the whole thing goes around again.

I suggest that you take responsibility for your part of this endless game and get out of it. Learn from your mistake. Make yourself available to someone who is ready and able to be in a committed relationship without all the drama.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Mar 2013

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2013). Boyfriend Constantly Flirts. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/03/28/boyfriend-constantly-flirts/