Online Intimacy Issue

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I met this guy online, we just started talking and connected so well. We get along great, talk and text every day. We really have a strong connection and have recently in the past few weeks have really started liking each other and getting more closer each day. I met him about six months ago and he is planning on coming to see me in a few months.

Everything is great, we are not in a relationship but have talked about it. The thing is- he doesn’t know I have a child. When we met, I just kept my personal life totally separate because I wasn’t looking for a relationship or anything of that nature. It really just happened. I didn’t expect us to connect the way we have or to actually physically see him. I didn’t purposely leave an omission and I’m not ashamed of my child, I’m a great full time mom. I’m not looking for a father or a financial hand out or anything. It just feels too late to tell him but I really like him and don’t know what to do. I’ve been totally honest about everything and I just didn’t plan this or expect it. But now I’m just afraid to tell him because it has been about six months since we met and he doesn’t know I have a child and I don’t know if I should let go or wait until I see how we react in person and tell him then. I feel like a terrible person but it wasn’t my intention to leave this out or anything. It’s just bugging me, especially since if we connect well he wants to move here to be with me. I just don’t know if this is something we can work out and get past. I could really use an experts opinion.

A: Since all of this has been talk—without a meeting — I think there is a way to go before a relationship will evolve. Consider how far away and the practical nature of a full relationship. If you haven’t met in six months and it will be a couple of months before he comes to see you—is the idea of him being in your life on a regular basis real, or a fantasy?

That having been said, I would say to honor your instincts here. You didn’t tell him because you were most likely being protective of your child. Honor this and wait to see what develops. It is always better to err on the safe side.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Mar 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Online Intimacy Issue. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/03/26/online-intimacy-issue/