Transgendered Girl?

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

There’s a girl I met at my college who seems cool, and is very pretty. We’ve hung out a few times and things seem to be going well but a question she recently asked has me concerned. She said, “How would you react if u were with a girl who u love, and she reveals to u that she was born a guy?”
It could have been hypothetical but I’m not sure why she would ask that hypothetically. She definitely has a girl’s body: she is short, curvy, has no visible Adam’s apple, small hands and feet, and also has a girl’s voice and temperament. Still, that question keeps popping into my head and makes me wonder if this girl is transgendered. Could it have been hypothetical? How do I find out? Do I somehow bring it up?
I have nothing wrong with anyone who is transgendered, but if this girl was once a male–whether she was born a male and had a sex change or was born with ambiguous genitalia and was assigned female–I would like to know (if the latter is correct I’d have no problem continuing to date her, but the former would bother me a little bit.) We have yet to do anything more than kiss, and I would like to find an answer to this question before things go any further.

A: I think the only way to get to the bottom of this is to be direct and ask her where her question came from. Many transgendered people go through a stage of identity ambiguity where they strive to find what is called transgender congruence: A sense of feeling comfortable and authentic with their gender identity. Unless you ask you will not know the purpose of her question. Once you learn this you will be in a better place to make a decision about your feelings.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Mar 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Transgendered Girl?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/03/25/transgendered-girl/