Relationship Fixing?

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and four months. Two weeks ago, he said he needed a break due to stress. About a week ago, we broke up, getting back together about a day later.

He blamed the stress on me, and I admit, we’ve been fighting a lot in the past seven months. Since we’ve gotten back together I’ve held back any negative comments or remarks and have gone out of my way to keep him from getting stressed.

I have my own issues, and I understand that he has some too.

He often used to get angry with me for being jealous, saying that it meant I had a lack of trust for him. Ever since we’ve gotten back together, I’ve tried hard to keep from getting jealous, or at least letting him know.

However, he’s made this decision to get in contact and be friends with nearly his entire ex’s, which has made me rather uncomfortable. One in particular, we’ll call her ‘S’, well, he seems to be overly friendly with her.

I haven’t said a word, until today, when he actually compared me to S. It upset me a lot, and I made a comment on it, saying that I found it hard that he was asking me not to get jealous when he seemed to be going out of his way to make me so.

Talking about it just upset him.

The biggest issue goes beyond that…he acts as if our breakup never happened, yet for some reason I just can’t get back to the natural flow of things, and I can’t help but wonder if he actually loves me. When he says those words it feels like a recorder is just repeating the words I want to hear.

I love him, and want so badly to feel secure about us, but I need help, because I don’t know how.

A: Dancing around your boyfriend’s antics and anger won’t foster a good, healthy relationship. It might be important to acknowledge your instinct that you don’t really feel his love and move on. In other words—I don’t think security is a reasonable goal to work toward. Let him have his ex-girlfriends and his anger and his baiting of you by comparison.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Mar 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). Relationship Fixing?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/03/13/relationship-fixing/