I Can’t Stand My Life

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

So I have had a harsh childhood, I would say. My parents got divorced when I was young. I think my mother did drugs or something, I really never knew why they got divorced. I’ve had a total of three step moms and I don’t like any of them. I’ve kind of been with my dad all my life.

When I had my first step mom she was cruel she always yelled at me. She had her own son, and I thought of him as my little brother. I had been calling her my mother I was with her about three or four years and I had a harsh time with her. She always made me do all the hard work in the house, and my dad wasn’t home he was always working. The cruelest memory I remember of her is her throwing a shoe at my face and she always made me do lots of things for her and her son. Then time passed and she left. I had stayed with my Aunt, and she was nicer then my first step mother.

Time passed and my dad met some other lady, and she became my second stepmother. I didn’t live with her but she wasn’t that cruel, she always had a smile on her face. The thing that bothers me the most was that she always gave me so much pressure. She had two daughters with her, and she kind of always told me to take care of them or something. Time passed again and my second stepmother and father, weren’t interested in each other. Then I once again stayed with aunt. My dad had to do work in Utah, so I rarely saw him.

Then he came for me and told me we were going to move to Utah. I was excited about it, but then I saw that he had a new girlfriend, who I was scared and she also had a son. Then time again past and they had a child; right now he’s three. Which really bothered me because I’ve had so many step siblings, I’m scared because I’ve always have to take care and do lots of responsibilities which I’m so tired of! So I met her and she became my third stepmother. So now today I’m with her, and we don’t get along. My stepbrother and I always fight, (That’s why all siblings do) the thing that bothers me the most is that my stepmother always believes him and I always end up saying “But that never happened” “Let me talk about my side of the story”. My stepbrother always teases me, and when I say just one little thing, he goes with his mom and tells her and I get in trouble. All the bad things he does, I end up responsible for whatever mess he did. I’ve had excellent grades, and recently they’ve been okay, but the anger bothers me. She always talks to adults and tells them how horrible I am.

My teachers love me, and I love them too, and she wants to tell them how evil I am. My stepmother always thinks she right. I always feel like she always makes thing up and tell my father all the “bad” things I do. He sometimes believes her and I get punished. My dad always tells me to tell him the truth, but he doesn’t believe me. He thinks he understands me when he doesn’t! He tells me that I can trust, when in reality I can’t. I’ve never had the confidence to tell him how I feel. To me sometimes he isn’t a father to me just a stranger. I always try to get along with my stepmother, but she always negative with me. When my dad around and we have an argument and I say the truth she always says “Shut up” and I can’t say what right. I know for sure that my stepmother doesn’t love me. She never supports me in things I do. I love doing community work/service and she doesn’t let me do it unless it’s required, which really pisses me off. She always makes fun of me and then my dad tags along with her. They always hold everything against me. The only times I have to cry or feel peace, is when I either go to the bathroom or think about me awful life or when I throw the trash away. I have my most trusted teacher who I talk to about my problems. I’ve told some of my friends of some of my problems, they think I don’t go through a lot of stuff. I just don’t have the confidence to tell any of my friends! I don’t know why.

Thank you for taking time in reading my problem. I’ve tried everything; I’m so tired of life. I just feel better to die or something. I can’t stand my parents or my stepbrothers. I may show them I love them and seem fine but in the inside I’m depressed and dying in the inside. I cry almost every night. Whatever my parents do to show me their love I know for sure I will never love my stepmoms or my dad. I know for sure I will never have anyone to call “mom”

A; Sometimes the situations we find ourselves in in life have nothing to do with the choices we’ve made or the intentions of our actions. It sounds clear that you were just a child; you had no power or influence in the dynamics of your mom and dad. It also sounds like your father’s remarriages have been difficult and unsupportive of your needs. It sounds like the first order of business is to not expect your family to give you what they do not have.

At 13 it makes sense that school and your teacher would be where you find comfort and support. While you say you have lost your most supportive teacher I think looking back in your school for a guidance counselor or teacher to talk to be exactly the right thing. Sometimes when we can’t find the love and support we need where it should be – we have to look in new places. It sounds like it is time for you to find adults and friends you can count on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Mar 2013

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2013). I Can’t Stand My Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2013/03/07/i-cant-stand-my-life/